The Biggest Waste of Time
Picture: RTVE.es
Written by: Dinelsa Morales, Ph.D, TFC, MSW Intern
For: Hispanic Family Counseling Inc. Newsletter August 2023 Edition
Sometimes the deepest reflections come without warning. I was reading a beautiful book that my husband gave me called ‘The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse’ by author Charlie Mackesy. Reading is one of my favorite hobbies, but I was surprised that in a story I found so many beautiful messages that spoke to my life in such a special way.
I remembered my childhood and adolescence which I lived full of insecurities and fears. And although I had very good parents, that part of me called self-esteem did not fully develop within me.
Many events form our personality, and are distorting our way of valuing and seeing ourselves. I have tried to see in others what we need to achieve. Or, on the other hand, the people around you emphasize that something that another person has is missing in you. And so we grow! Looking at our shortcomings, reaffirming our needs, without doing anything to repair or replace with the positive parts of being that we already possess.
So at the age of 44 this story comes into my hands that throws this reality in my face with its letters. Reminding me; what is the biggest waste of time? and perhaps you who are reading, begin to answer the question such as "procrastinate", "play video games", "go to a meeting at work", etc... However, the answer that a mole (character in the story) gave to this question was: "compare yourself with others". What a great answer, it is totally true and necessary to take our eyes off the outside and start paying attention to the inside. Value who we are as individuals, be grateful for what we have achieved, feel satisfied with what we have, look in the mirror and feel good about ourselves.
We can only share what we are and what we have. Unfortunately, no human being is perfect, for this reason, it is a great waste of time to live our lives comparing ourselves with others. Our goal is to be better every day and within what we are and have to use our best resources to continue growing. Self-esteem begins at home with the information that parents pour into the soul of their children. If mom and dad have some part of their soul that is in need or underestimated, they will pour out those limitations and fears on their children, even unconsciously. Therefore, we adults who build societies should start by taking this great advice from our friend "the mole". Let's no longer waste time comparing ourselves to others because our needy part feels empty and uncomfortable. Let's caress our interior with our own value, let's affirm our being with words of affection, let's be self-pitying and use the best we have of ourselves. Only then can we share our soul with others and nurture instead of hurt.