Exercising self-compassion
Image: America Digital
Written by: Dinelsa Morales, Ph.D, TFC, MSW intern
For: Hispanic Family Counseling Inc. Newsletter January 2023 Edition
Have you listened to that inner voice that invokes your fears and your inabilities? We think that sometimes it is normal for us to criticize or belittle ourselves in moments in which we experience anguish. Those words "how stupid you are", "you don't know how to do anything well", have become our daily internal conversation. Society pushes us to search for perfection; which is unrealistic because there is no such perfection. But, it is what we have normalized, treating ourselves as less without remorse.
Therefore, we must be very attentive to these destructive behaviors that only lead us to the cliff. Why is it so difficult for us to have a little compassion? is that this means walking against the current. Since all positive behavior is not a norm in the human brain, it does not arise innately, it is something that takes work. It is easier for us to be attentive and compassionate with others than with ourselves.
Self-compassion is an exercise in self-care, for this you have to be aware of yourself and what you experience. Plus it requires continuous practice. Being able to reflect on what we feel, evaluate reality and declare a positive word is hard work, but not impossible.
I can share with you some exercises that I have put into practice in my personal aspect and that have been very helpful in those moments in which I have faced distressing situations:
Talk to myself as if I were my best friend: this allows you to offer yourself moral and emotional support. Think of the best words that you would say to a loved one who is in the same situation as you. See yourself as that loved and loved one to whom you always wish the best.
My love phrase: choose the best phrase that you can mention every morning. Take a moment in front of the mirror to breathe and express that positive message to yourself. Repeat it when you're driving, when you're sunny, or when you need it.
Self-pity shower: Pick a time of the week when you have time to think and analyze. Evaluate how you have spent the week and reflect on yourself and on the management of your experiences. Develop a positive conversation about how you value having yourself @ and accompanying you in your most difficult moments. Make a mental movie of your positive changes and your growth as a person.
Every human being has the best resources to face life in a healthy way. Don't be so hard on yourself. Practice self-compassion and continue on the path of living better each day of your life.